Down with OPP

For conventional dating, the three word phrases that usually send people running are “I love You” and “Ass to Mouth”.  In the world of nonmonogamy, there is a different three words that go bump in the night:

One Penis Policy

The OPP; also known as polygyny, hareming, or the “Highlander-Cock Rule”.  I’m talking about the relationship style that is a form of a cis-heterosexual coupling that is non-monogamous.  The stipulation to their non-monogamy being that while the man is allowed to have whatever outsider partners he likes, his female partner may only have relations with other women.

You might have known some people with an OPP (One Penis Policy), you might have even been one of those couples.  I know I was.

It was when I was a young, scared, and still recovering from being a monogamist.  And fuck me running if it didn’t make me feel secure to adopt a lifestyle that’s incidentally one of the most desired male fantasies in existence.  As a crutch, having an OPP eased me into polyamory just fine.  But now that I’ve spread my wings (and have them tested regularly), I can fly free in the winds of non-exclusivity and I look back on where I came from and see the real issues with it.  Firstly and simply, it’s not fair to the woman in the relationship.  It’s also dismissive of the connections that are built between women.  Ultimately though, it’s not really a necessary step to being truly open with each other.

Being truly open relies on being fair.  It relies on having a realistic understanding of the expectations you have for your partner.  I encourage guys to try playing with their own asshole before they try anal with their girlfriend.  I encourage guys to try body waxing before they expect brazillians.  It’s good to know what it’s like to be on the receiving end before you buy a pretense.  In this case, I’m talking about being on the receiving end of somebody else’s nonmonogamy with a heterosexual partner.

While some guys might feel like the only way they could be nonmonogamous and secure is if their girlfriend was with another woman.  If that’s the case for you, you’re letting your greed and insecurity undermine your partner’s pursuit of happiness; which fundamentally opposes nearly all the virtues of polyamory.  And to tack it onto the historical practice of polygyny as a tool for female oppression, the OPP has no place in modern polyamory.  Modern polyamory is also feminist polyamory.  Modern polyamory cannot exist in a space where men are explicitly given liberties not also offered to women.

To be blunt, the OPP is misogynist.

To be extra blunt, the OPP is misogynist and homophobic.

Having the policy doesn’t make you Jerry Falwell, but it does dismiss the legitimacy of connections built in the absence of heterosexuality.  I didn’t feel like I was being homophobic when I was doing it.  Hell, I felt like I was a champion of the queer movement for allowing my partner to indulge her bisexual desires.  I fancied myself to be the great liberator, imparting my superior male blessings upon her playful acts of want and carnality.

Like I said, I was young.  Did I say stupid?  I was stupid too…

The OPP is not an ally of the queer movement.  It’s quite the opposite.  It’s tantamount to telling your partner:

“I’m possessive of you and feel threatened by the idea of seeing you build a heterosexual connection.  I recognize that you are more secure in our relationship, and can abide the limitations I am neglecting to extend also to myself.  Because I consider homosexual relations between women to be novel and trivial, I will allow them.”

The OPP fundamentally relies on the idea that a sapphic encounter is somehow not “real sex.”

I assure you, it is.  And girls can be just as territorial and possessive as boys when it comes to romance.  So if there’s a worry that a another man will somehow upstage the relationship dynamic, then a real solution is to avoid nonmonogamy altogether.  If you’re new to nonmonogamy, set whatever boundaries make you feel comfortable.  But I implore newbies to avoid having a long term OPP.

Even if you don’t have an official OPP, you’ll probably end up with a de-facto OPP.  For several of my partners, I have been their only male partner.  It’s not because I’ve established a set of rules preventing anything otherwise.  It’s because of an underlying truth about modern courtship:

Dating guys sucks.

Trust me, I’ve done it.  There’s a reason I’m on the straighter end of bisexual.  There are lots of reasons, actually.  Women don’t mind taking things slowly.  Women are more willing to talk about their feelings.  Women are self lubricating.  My partners and I have mostly dated women simply because it’s generally a much more pleasant experience.  Making a policy for it is unnecessary and functions only to perpetuate the marginalizing of women and queers.

If you’re a standup guy, then you’ve set the bar for the quality of gentleman that your lady will desire.  Lesser basic bros will be turned away by her having a confident man in her life.  If there’s a worry that being open to other men will somehow invite the creepers to start making their advances, I can understand that.  But for those of us who have seen the modern dating market, we know that creepers will make their advances regardless of how your relationship is identified.  Even if the man in a given relationship was out of the picture, and the woman was on the dating market as an asexual lesbian only looking for distance partners, she would still be accosted by straight male creepers.  She’d also probably get accosted by couples with an OPP…

Anybody here ever have an OPP?  How did it go for you?  Post in the comments!

Finding a New Deen

In the wake of the numerous allegations of assault being charged against James Deen, many of us have lost our infatuation the golden boy of modern adult media.  Deen was on track to dethrone Ron Jeremy as the most well-known male actor.  And Jeremy has been doing a lot more than just sitting on that throne for many years now.

For many of us, finding the right porno to watch can be a daunting task.  It’s like the first day of school after you get your meal in the cafeteria, then you need to decide where to sit.  James Deen was like that kid that you knew just well enough that if you ever saw him at a table, you knew that you could sit next to him talking about pokemon cards.  He may not have been in your clique, but he always said hi to you in the hallway and if you ever got partnered up for a group project, he wouldn’t let you down.

But after everything that’s happened, he’s like that kid that you sat next to in a bathroom stall one time and you heard some really awful, guttural noises coming from the other side.  Now every time you see him, all you can do is see what you imagined happening on the other side of that stall.  You see tooth-gritting-fist-clenching deuce dropping.  You may not know exactly what transpired, but what you heard makes you not want to eat around him ever again.

So too goes James Deen.  Regardless of his previous accomplishments for adult media and feminism, I can’t shake the numerous accusations against him and enjoy his work.

And now begins the search for the new male adult star that will take our hearts doggy-style and not make stupid faces when he finishes.  As I consider myself a connoisseur of the art of pornography, I have some recommendations.  So with no further ado, in no particular order, and with tightening pants, I present:

10 Male Actors Who Could
Become Porn’s New Frontman

  1. Derrick Pierce:
    DerrickPierceHe has an outstanding resume with the people at Kink.com as well as playing villains in many XXX superhero spoofs (including playing a very good DP scene).  While he may commonly play a top-heavy dom in kink scenes, he sticks around for aftercare scenes and seems like a real sweetheart.
  2. Christian XXX
    ChristianXXXWhile he originally performed gay porn under the name “Maxxx Diesel”, he has since transitioned to doing straight scenes in addition to his previous work.  In doing this, he is actually standing up for bi/pansexual performers.  There are female performers who have refused to work with him because his is not heterosexual.  He carries it just fine, giving and receiving from many genders, even those identifying as non-binary.
  3. Tommy Pistol
    TommyPistolWhile he’s always been the Dean Koontz to James Deen’s Stephen King, things are changing.  He is poised to eclipse Deen as the non-threatening Joseph Gordon-Levitt of porno.  With his dedication to making nerd porn and his tattoos (the most notable of which being a large Aqua Teen Hunger Force graphic on his side), he’s the new age boy next door.  His look is scruffy and his body is not chiseled.  He looks like the kind of guy that you would have a very stable, functioning sex life with.
  4. Danny D
    DannyDI first encountered Danny D in an adult adaptation of Harry Potter where he played the title character.  The scene was real hot. When he screamed “EXPELLIAMUS!” as he performed his moneyshot at the end, I knew this boy was going somewhere.  If you would like to see a little more of this Englishman’s horcrux, there’s an entire tumblr dedicated to it.  Check it out, I’d definitely call it a death stick (NSFW).  He’s got an unassuming cuteness and an understated look that’s carried powerfully by his neat accent and enormous penis.
  5. Ryan Driller
    01/20/2012 - Ryan Driller - AVN Adult Entertainment Expo - Day 3 - Hard Rock Hotel - Las Vegas, NV, USA - Keywords: Adult Video News Orientation: Portrait Face Count: 1 - False - Photo Credit: Glenn Francis / PR Photos - Contact (1-866-551-7827) - Portrait Face Count: 1Driller has the looks of a standard all-american hunk.  It’s no surprise they’re asking him to play superheroes like Captain America and Superman in their respective adult adaptations.  He carries himself like a real standup guy in all of his interviews to boot!  Talking about the importance of respecting and listening to women.  He even made the adult adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey watchable!
  6. Levi Cash
    LeviCashHe’s a dopplebanger for Breckin Meyer, so if you’ve ever wanted to live out that fantasy where you have sex with the underdog of some comedy set in a college campus, look no further.  Driving that point home, he’s even appeared in adult adaptations of films like Weird Science.  He’s the kind of guy that you root for while you’re watching him bang.

 

 

 

7.  Xander Corvus
Kinkster, cosplayer, and punk musician with a voice like Tom Waits.  He’s a little grungier than the everyman people might expect to be the figurehead for adult entertainment.  But if you look past the patchy beard and the snakebite lip piercings, he’s got some solid ideas about the adult industry that might make him perfectly suited for the visibility.
8.  Logan Pierce

LoganPierce

A filmmaker first, culturalist second and incidentally a pornographer.  While he’s certainly got a sexual soul, it’s clear that he’s not the sexual deviant who typically signs up for a porno.  He’s got a real sweet way about him when I watch where I can tell he and his partner are having a really great time.  As a figurehead for pornography, I think he would certainly be more palatable than the some of the more deviant options.

9.  Tee Reel
TeeReelThere’s all this talk about making the next Doctor Who or the next James Bond a person of color.  If we’re ready to see a staple of nerd culture or a staple of action cinema go there, we really do need to step up our porno game.  In addition to facilitating any fantasies you may have had about having sex with the Old Spice Guy, he’s also a solid role model for aspiring adult entertainers everywhere.  After getting his degree in film, he worked on making music videos before he pushed to produce, direct, and star in his own adult films.

10.  Seth Gamble

SethGambleHe’s one of the few male performers that has rhythm when he needs to dance in musical scenes of adult films.  Which is a throwback to his time as an exotic dancer.  Probably why he was one of the leads in the adult adaptation of Magic Mike.  By his own admission, it was tough for him to sign up for adult media, because he doesn’t think he could be on the Disney channel afterwards.  But realistically, he could have been the kind of kid that you grew up watching on Even Stevens.

 

Those are my picks.  Just like not everyone knows about what’s transpired with James Deen, I may not know about some seedy underbelly of these performers.  So if you know anything that would disqualify any of these guys from being a good representative, post it in the comments!  If there’s anybody I missed that you think should be on this list, post them too!

Deen has some big shoes to fill, but these fellas are good at filling all sorts of spaces.

Swing Your Partner Round and Round

notactuallythat_LargeI’m such a good wingman.  If my bros don’t hook up by night’s end, I’ll bang them myself.  While my friends may not always take me up on that offer, my partners often do.  I play matchmaker for my partners if they like.  And I like it too.  I think doing so reinforces the structure of my polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory takes more than just tolerance of your partner having other liasons.  Polyamory is about appreciating the other connections your partner is building.  I like to take it the step further and enable those connections when I can.  There is value in helping your partner find other partners.

Outside of the fact that I want my partner to have someone good to them, it’s great having a metamour who’s good to me.  Especially for those of us who are still feeling out polyamory, having a more personal stake in your partner’s romantic decisions can help ease folks away from conventional dating.  And dating is work, but one of the nice things about polyamory is that you get to share the load.

One of my favorite ways to spend a night in with a partner is to sit around drinking wine and reviewing each others’ potential dates.  We’ll go through a few rounds of swiping left and right where we giggle and tease like the immature bisexuals we’re too old to be anymore.  From there, we get the chance to scoop through who each of us is talking to.  This gives us an opportunity to air our excitements and also our hesitations.  So if I see someone who lists an interest in motorcycles, then my partner can get a date and I might get a new riding buddy!  Similarly, I might see someone I know that I would not like to become metamours with and let my partner know about that right away.

I’ve always been of the mind that metamour relations are one of the truest determining factors in the success of any polyamorous engagement.  While your partner might have a decent idea of the kind of metamour you would like to have, you know better than they do.  So just like mixing cocktails or performing oral sex, it’s worthwhile to let your partner know what you like.

Awareness of your partner(s)’ romantic preferences is integral in polyamorous dating.  This is one of the harder parts for people to adopt when they are just getting started with nonmonogamy.  Plenty of couples just decide to date people together.  Most commonly, this is a straight couple who start looking for a bisexual woman to be their third.  While this practice is met with grand disapproval from many polyamorists, branching out of monogamy together is a fine idea.  I just strongly encourage people to ease back on how together you are when you’re branching out.

When I was first breaking into this whole polyamory thing, I found it much easier to have metamours that I helped to arrange.  It was very beneficial for all the emotions that came along with my partner having other partners.  When I would hear about the hard times my partner had with a metamour I had a hand in arranging, I wasn’t so quick to dismiss their quality as a partner.  When my partner is out with some yahoo she met on OkC named “4ngry1nches” and she tells me that the dates are anything but a pristine joy, there’s a real good chance I’ll encourage her to cut bait.  But if she tells me that she’s having a hard time communicating with the cute programmer that I encouraged her to swipe right, I’ll give her some stratagems to keep his attention.  After all, I’m practically responsible for that.

Opposite bad dates, when my partner is gushing about their newest fling with the most impossibly handsome, charming, wealthy adonis of a man; I may start to feel a bit insecure.  I might feel insubstantial, jealous, even threatened.  However, if I helped my partner arrange this date, my ego will take over and I’ll be flushed with pride.  It’s like when you give someone advice on what to get their spouse for their anniversary, and they get the perfect gift.  You don’t get to give or receive the booty, but you can still relish knowing you’re responsible for the assist.

Assistance is key, by the way.  Dating yields good results when it’s fed good labor.  The best way to get good labor, is sometimes to just get a little more labor.  Many hands make work light, so cruise around OkCupid or Tinder with your partner together.  Help your partner write a good Boiler Plate message that they can send to profiles they really like.  The two of you can even just sit down over dinner and talk about some people the two of you might know who would be worth asking out.  One of you two could even play messenger.

I’ve never asked anybody out on behalf of my partner before, but I have been asked out by a lady’s boyfriend in the past.  In no way did it cheapen or invalidate the proposal.  I actually found myself cozied with an extra sense of security.  I could immediately bypass the worries that this was old-school polyamory noncensensual nonmonogamy.  And I was flattered to be considered such a solid choice that her man made the approach.  As long as you have your partner’s consent, you can certainly take the initiative if they’re too shy.

You can’t date half a couple.  Similarly, you can’t date a full couple.  That sweet spot in between is where polyamorous dating can flourish.  Finding partners outside a polyamorous relationship has so many dimensions because there are relationships being created between all involved parties.  Every relationship that’s created, be it romantic, social, or at least just civil; is independent and unique and worth care and consideration.

What works for you, though?  Have you ever helped a partner get a date?  Have you ever been assisted? What works with that?  What hasn’t worked?  Be a wingman for my blog and post in the comments!

The Ho Phase

Ostensibly speaking, I can be a ho-fo-sho.

While I’m a self-identified slut with no interest in conventional ‘reform’, many other people have bouts of time in their life where they were a little (or a lot) less conservative with their sexual and/or romantic decisions.

This time is commonly referred to as “The Ho Phase”

Some people never had a Ho Phase.  Some people lie and say they never had a Ho Phase.  Some people have one to ‘get it out of their system’ while others have several Ho Phases interspersed throughout their life.  And then there are career sluts like myself who just have interspersed Non-Ho-Phases.

There is an unnecessary stigma attached to the Ho Phase, though.  This stigma rebuffs the curious and shames the practitioners.  But just like watching Digimon or bare-bottom-spanking, I encourage everyone who’s curious about it to try without a sense of shame.  If you’re reading this and you’ve never had a Ho Phase, I implore you to consider a trial.  There are many unsung benefits to Ho Phasing:

  1. Relativity
    A Ho Phase gives you a broader spectrum of lovers to gauge the quality of future partners.  You may have felt blessed when you first had someone perform oral sex on you.  I know I did.  A Ho Phase might show you how many people are willing (and skilled) at some of the things you like.  Similarly, a Ho Phase will help you appreciate the affections you’re having because they’re better than you’ve had.  A Ho Phase really tempers a person’s ability to decide when things could be better and when things could be worse.
  2. Know Thyself
    Just like you get to see what other people are capable of, a Ho Phase can tell you what you’re capable of.  If there’s something you’ve always been curious about trying, one in a series of casual partners can be very forgiving of experimentation foibles.  So if you’re a dom who’s always wanted to explore his subby side, your Ho Phase can double as a trial phase.  A Ho Phase gives you a more complete understanding of your sexual appetite.  It helps you develop a sense of what you want sexually.  This is important because people who don’t know what they want end up with a lot they do not want.

The Ho Phase is so popular, I’m certain many of you reading this have already had a Ho Phase.  You might be right in the middle of one.  You might be on that sweet precipice immediately before or just after being neck-deep in the waters of the Hocean.  Sweet though the waters are, exploring them safely is more important than exploring them completely.  Just like skydiving or analingus, some simple precautions can make this adventure awesome instead of awful.  I recommend you offer yourself the following protections:

  1. Protect Your Body
    Carry at least two condoms with you everywhere.
    Going to the club?  Bring two condoms.
    Going to the wedding reception?  Bring two condoms.
    Going on a three-hour-tour?  Bring two condoms.
    While monogamy is a vaguely safe avenue for unprotected sex, the inherent non-monogamy of the Ho Phase is not conducive to bare-backing.  If you don’t like using condoms, you probably won’t like your Ho Phase.  Unprotected enthusiasts usually end their Ho Phase after they get disappointed with safe sex.
    …or they get chlamydia.
    That’s part of the reason many Ho Phases are limited engagements.  Though even if you protect yourself for the duration of your Ho Phase, it’s probably a good idea to get tested when you think you’re done.  If you’ve got plans for a long-term Ho Phase, plan some regular testing with your doctor or find your local free clinic.
  2. Protect Your Heart
    I don’t believe in relationships that are ‘just sex’.  I believe people can try to make an encounter as solely about sex as possible, but I’ve never seen anybody reach 100%.  There’s always an emotional exchange, even if that emotion is just playful cheer.  That being said, your Ho Phase might provoke some romantic aspirations that you’re not ready to reciprocate.  Hopefully, any partner(s) you have during this phase are aware of the casual goals that you have set for yourself.  In a similar vein, your Ho Phase might stir some feelings in you that might not be reciprocated.  Ho Phasing individuals often find each other.  If the two (or three) of you start building something casual that works, complications can arise when someone wants to bring a relationship out of the Ho Phase that was forged therein.
  3. Protect Your Circles
    Be wary of being a Homie Hopper.  This goes for guys, girls, and everything in between and around.  After you’ve made the rounds with everybody that’s most conveniently suited to your present desires, you might start to feel alienated.  This is partly due to the overwhelming slutshaming that exists in conventional social circles, but you also might end up unintentionally hurting people.  Everyone in your personal circle might commiserate and bond over all feeling a little used or unimportant.
    One of the many benefits of having a Ho Phase is that you get to explore something new!  Don’t waste your wanderlust on what’s familiar.  Try online dating, join a swinger club, have a tryst at a bar with someone(s) you just met.  There is no shortage of potential spaces to indulge your personal liberation.
  4. Protect Your Egress
    When I talk to people about their Ho Phases, many say the hardest part was ending their Ho Phase.  While my solution of not ending it works for me, other people may have solid aspirations of concluding it.  While all of the previously mentioned protections will also help you smoothly transition out of this time in your life, there is an essential to exiting the Ho Phase.  You have to make sure you’re done.
    I’ve seen plenty of people who have split from their steady, long-term partner and had a bout of promiscuity before returning back to the love they know.  A good portion of these supplicants end up being unfaithful to their partner after they return.
    I don’t believe they do it because they’re not satisfied by their existing partner.  They do it because they left something in the Ho Phase.  Maybe there is a person, act, locale or other remnant of their Ho Phase that remains unfinished.  It’s hard to make a clean break when you are still tied to that.  Those ties may never be cut.  In which case, you may want to consider some long-term accommodations for your new proclivities.

All the above are helpful for a bout of less cautioned exploration of intimacy.  But what if your Ho Phase is more than just a phase?  Making a lifestyle out of the phase is certainly possible, but it takes some tactful reconsideration of your place in conventional romance.

Firstly, don’t be ashamed of your Ho Phase.  You got the chance to have some really exciting times.  You might have made some really meaningful connections.  More than anything though, you learned about yourself.  Don’t let the petty fuckers who came up with the name “Ho Phase” tell you anything about what you can be for anybody else after it.  That chapter in your life has given you what I find to be the most valuable product a partner can have: a story.

I find stories more valuable in a partner than a whole lot.  More than a car, a college education, or an antiquated idea of ‘purity’.  People who are proud of their Ho Phase have got great anecdotes about some stuff they’ve seen that worked brilliantly.  They’ve got harrowing stories about stuff that just did not.  And owning your sexual growth is a huge step towards building a world with less shame attached to intimacy.

If you want to make a lifelong adventure out of your Ho Phase, there are ways to make that work too:

  1. Polyamory
    Don’t be a ho.  Graduate to a slut.  An ethical slut.  Check out some literature about polyamory to learn more!
  2. Swinging
    If you want monogamy, but aren’t ready to give up the chance to bang around, consider joining your local swinger community.  Swingers are also a fun community to meet people who might be able to empathize with your long-game Ho Phase.
  3. Monogamish
    This is practically a monogamous relationship.  Practically.
    One or both of the partners understands the playful, fun nature of the Ho Phase to allow occasional vacations back to it.  Limited engagements like the “Hall Pass”, where you have a set amount of time to be non-monogamous are common.

Have you ever had a Ho Phase?  How did it work for you?  Please post your advice for those curious about or recovering from theirs!

Running a Train on Time

I never gangbanged a lady proper before.  Sure, I’ve had a Devil’s Threeway.  My bros and I have ganged up on a lady at a sex party.  I wrote up rules for a gangbang that never ended up happening one time.  But I was recently able to host my first ever gangbang!  With the blessing of the lucky lady and two other guys, I can finally deliver a solid account of my experience.

Firstly, let me establish my personal qualifiers for a conventional heterosexual gangbang:
1.  No more than one lady
2.  No less than three gentlemen

The lady in question and I had been planning this for months.  Late night pillow chat began our plotting.  It started out as dirty talking, evolved into fanciful imagining, and she finally just sent out invitations.  Time from first mention to moneyshot: 2.5 months.

The first thing we started talking about was who would be attending the event.  Not all of her partners were sent invitations.  When you have multiple partners, they usually occupy different spaces in your life.  Just like you may want a partner or two that you are submissive to instead of dominant, you may want some partners to not be passengers on the man-train.  Similarly, not all of the invited parties accepted.  It’s also totally legit to be uncomfortable riding the aforementioned train.

The final roster was our lady, ethical slut extraordinaire.  There was gent that she and I knew who has always been active in the poly community and we’d shared sex parties with him in the past; he was a large, muscular fellow who was just always had solutions.  It was like inviting Groot to a sex party.  Our third was her partner she had been seeing for some months, who asked that I only refer to him as “The Puerto Rican”.

After the lineup was confirmed, we started talking limits.  For this lady, there were very little.  But it’s always good to have some, just so that people know there is a ceiling on the train.  Some people, in the heat of the moment, will try some silly-ass-shit to a partner who claims to have no limits.  All the guys got to post their limits too!

It was to my pleasant surprise that my co-bangers didn’t identify as completely straight.  But outside of that, the guys didn’t have a lot of pregaming they needed to establish.  After all that was done, it was time for the hardest part about a gangbang: scheduling.

The biggest delay in orchestrating this whole affair was finding an evening where the four of us would be free for a few hours into the night and we wouldn’t be too tired from the day of, nor pressed with work the day after.  I’ve heard good things about using Doodle if you’re planning on hosting a gangbang in the near future.  Time from first invitation to moneyshot: 23 days.

I got the chance to talk with our lady about more than just her limits.  I wanted to talk to her about her requests.  I was already planning a grand scheme, but I always like to cater an intimate encounter.  She was very candid, which I really appreciated:

  1. First Ever DP
    I’d been training her for anal sex these past few months and she wanted to try her hand at getting both holes filled.  I told her I would be glad to oblige her if she thought she was ready.
  2. Bukkake
    She wanted all of us to finish on her face.  She wanted to leave the party looking like a Pollock painting.
  3. Photos
    She wanted something sweet to remember the evening.  Photos would be taken without any faces, though.  Everyone consented.
  4. Guy-on-Guy
    She revealed that part of the reason we were all chosen was because she knows that none of us are completely heterosexual and she knows that we all find each other cute.  She was hoping she would get to watch and live out her yaoi-fangirl-slashfic-fantasies.  She still wanted to be the center of attention, though.  She just wanted a little affection between the fellas.

After all that was secured, we had a launch date. Time from announced date to moneyshot: 14 Days.

We thought about having the four of us meet at a bar beforehand, but decided it was unnecessary.  My work schedule is too erratic and other obligations kept everyone from meeting up any earlier than eight o’clock.  Our lady and the Puerto Rican arrived first, they rushed over here and picked up food on the way.  While they ate at my dining room table, I made small talk and made an extremely visible task of moving my arsenal of sex toys from the bedroom to the living room.  I could see her eyeing up the steel and leather as it found its way out of my bedroom.  She later revealed this was one of the most torturous parts of the evening.

While we were waiting for our third guy to arrive, the Puerto Rican and I opened some champagne and he helped me move my weight bench into the center of the living room.  There we sat, the three of us, drinking and making small talk.  Next to us was table spread of plugs, crops, straps, rope, and equestrian equipment.  She later revealed the spread was one of the more exciting parts of the evening.

Groot, our third guy, showed up a little late.  So once he arrived, we started stripping her down.  Time from complete attendance to moneyshot: 3 Hours 21 Minutes

We stripped her bare and laid her out on the weight bench.  We strapped her down and had some casual caresses and spanks before I made her an offer.  I explained to the other guys that she had requested being able to see the three of us being a little physical with each other.  I explained to her that if I was able to stick a plug in her ass, there would be some totally hot guy-on-guy action.  Naturally, she thought this was a fair trade.

Girl took the plug like a champ.  It was time for us to hold up our end of the bargain.  Before that though, I put a velvet bag over her head so that she couldn’t see what was going on.  All she could do was hear the noises of the pure love that exists between men.  This was my first ever gay-fueled cuckqueaning and she said it was delightful.  Eventually, she started begging us to take the hood off.  I offered her a second deal.  If I took out the plug and replaced it with a dramatically larger plug, I would take off the hood.  There was some hesitation, but she agreed.

Girl took this plug like a champ..if this champ had a Pringles can in their ass.  I stripped the hood off of her and she watched the carousing between the other two guys.  I joined in and we gave her a decent PG-13 show.  I figured her neck would get tired looking up at us, so we stopped hovering over and giggling like a gay Statler and Waldorf.  We all took turns slapping her ass around with every implement in the arsenal.  Finally, I brought out my most dangerous sex toy: my box of dice for playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Rolls for roles, the d6 determined that the Puerto Rican would help himself to eating up her snatch, Groot would fuck her mouth open, and I would use some tools teasing her midsection.  When she had melted all the ice cubes and was an overstimulated mess, we unstrapped her and cast her onto her knees.  She knew just what to do and began voraciously stroking and mouthing the men’s anatomy around her.  In multiple person encounters, I find it can be very playful to engage in some novelty behaviors that simply highlight the peculiarity of the encounter.  In accordance with that, I called for the guys to join me in an activity.

It can be easy to get caught up in a sex party and forget exactly how special it is.  But nothing reminds a lady of how lucky she really is until she has three guys dickslapping her in the face with their turgid penises.  With the three of us drumming her face with our boners, it was like being in the college Marimba group again!

I escaped the drum circle for a spell to put some porno on the big screen.  While porno during sex parties can be distracting, sometimes a distraction can be a good thing.  Most guys are not trained to sustain an erection around other men, but plenty of guys have trained themselves to sustain an erection when there’s porn on.  I have a healthy stock of PMVs (Porn Music Videos), which are a crafted montage of scenes from adult films.  I muted the videos and put them on to be distracting, but not too distracting.  They were white noise for our boners.

Maybe it was inspiration from the videos, or just an irrepressible urge, but we had her on all fours taking turns getting fucked open in minutes.  Time from first penetration to moneyshot: 2 hours 13 minutes.

Tom Robbins refers to penetration in a sex party as “the great showstopper”.  While I agreed with him in my early experience; as I’ve become a more seasoned group sex practitioner, I’ve found that to be less and less true.  I understand the temptation to fall prey to the classical escalator of physical intimacy, in which penetration is the saturday night to climaxing’s Sunday morning.  But penetration as a showstopper is especially untrue at a sex party.

While encounters with two or even three people can progress from start to finish without interruption, an encounter with four or more people is often too exhausting to not take a break.  Pleasing one person should can take a lot out of you.  Pleasing three or more can be like playing soccer.  It’s alright to call a time out a few times to break up the action.

For our lot; we flipped her over, around, and used up all of her holes.  But we did this in spurts.  Our shenanigans would occasionally pause and we would have some water or refresh our cocktails.  We would pause and I would go wash that giant butt plug that I forgot I put there two hours ago.  We would pause and put on silly ass costumes.

That last part wasn’t a joke.

She wanted photos.  The guys wanted anonymity.  I keep a healthy stock of theater supplies, so I got to play dress up with everyone!  Thanks to my brilliant wardrobing abilities, there are now photos of a girl in a Sailor Mercury wig getting spitroasted by Captain America and a Luchedore wrestler while she jerks off the Phantom of the Opera.  This was my favorite part.

After we were done with the novelty sex, we resolved that it was time to get serious.  It was business time; three hole business time.  I figured I would take the back door because I’d been training her to get DP’d with me bringing up the rear.  But the Puerto Rican unexpectedly made a request to fill that hole role.  I was hesitant, I’d never been The Anchor in a DP before!

Let me clarify.  In the Statue-of-Liberty position(NSFW) for DPing, the guy on the bottom is called “The Anchor”.  Because it involves less friction in a significantly less sensitive hole, the guy with the bigger cock is usually the Anchor.  Ergo, I’ve never been the Anchor…

I was a little scared.  But I’d hate to think I spent all that time training her ass to not have someone else fuck it.  Not sharing that ass would be downright un-American!  So with a patriotic tear in my boner, I laid back and got mounted.  She rode me while the Puerto Rican sodomized her.  While getting double-stuffed, Groot came and stuck his cock in her mouth.  Time from Air Tight to moneyshot: 42 minutes.

Being the Anchor was alright.  Anchoring versus sodomizing a gal via DP is a similar parallel to being mounted versus dogging a partner one-on-one.  It was lovely, just not in the ravenous, controlling way I’m used to liking that kind of sex.  I liked feeling his cock rub against mine inside of her.  It was like our dicks were high-fiving for having accomplished her first ever DP.  The muffled moans she vented out of her filled mouth really actualized the whole air-tight experience.  It was something real special.

That being said, it did get a little uncomfortable when the Puerto Rican’s testicles kept percussively slapping against my own.  I was curious if he felt it too or if that’s something you only notice when you’re the anchor.  I wondered if I had been doing this to anchoring guys for years, or if the Puerto Rican just had a distended, pendulous nut sack.

I stopped anchoring before reaching conclusive results.

We took turns with her, exchanging positions.  Penetration may not be a showstopper.  Ass play sure as hell can be, though.  She eventually told us she wanted us to finish on her face.  I explained that I had been holding it in since we started.  I don’t think she believed me, because she said there would be a prize for whoever finished on her face first.  Time from challenge accepted to moneyshot: 38 seconds.

Summer Lovin’

Some guys are into asians, or tattoos, or girls who do the weird stuff.  I’ve recently found myself searching out partners based on finite proximity.  I was specifically targeting people who will not be in Chicago for the long-term.    I’m not sure exactly why, but I got really enamored with the idea of dates who had a distinct finish line for their time with me.  There are a number of good reasons to get involved with someone who’s going to be an isolated romantic incident.

Why Have a Short-Term Relationship

  1. Paradigm Shift
    I’m not going to say it lowers your standards.  But you could certainly change your standards with the temporary nature of the engagement.  You don’t need to look at every aspect of their character and consider the long term effects.  Don’t obscure your ability to build a meaningful connection by worrying about what might happen when your parents finally meet them.  If you normally don’t date asians, or people with tattoos, or people into the weird stuff; just give it a chance.  Try romance that’s not polluted with all of your expectations.  You might even learn to overcome one of your longstanding dealbreakers if you have a limited engagement to desensitize you.  It’s a fine opportunity to step out of your comfort zone with a prearranged escape back into it.
  2. Raw NRE
    While there are certainly occasional exceptions to this, a relationship will generally never be as exciting as in the first month or so of its inception.  Those feelings of exploring new emotions and affections stir you right up!
    Relationships can be a lot like eating muffins: the beginning is usually the best part.
    Sure, the stump of the muffin is still cake, which is fine and delicious.  But the stump will never be as sticky-sweet and nut-glazed as the top.    A short-term romance is like going to a bakery that only sells the top part of the muffin.
  3. Imported Goods
    One of the easiest ways to have a limited engagement is with someone who’s from out of town.  Maybe they’re visiting for a grad program, internship, or spring break.  While you don’t want to outsource too much of your labor, you could certainly gain some insights from taking in foreign engineering.  Exclusively dating domestically deprives you of the knowledge of the vast spectrum of flavors and persuasions that’s in a global market.
  4. Rebounding Safeguards
    I’m recovering from a pretty hard breakup.
    You’ve probably seen somebody in the wake of a breakup making some very poor decisions about their romantic life.  Hell, you may have even done it.  I know I have.
    When you’re fresh from a loss of the heart, you’re exceptionally prone to mistakes.  It’s like being emotionally drunk.  A good way to subvert any misplaced decisions is to have a limited engagement.  Just like having a designated driver is good when you’re physically drunk, having a designated breakup is good when you’re emotionally drunk.
  5. Blank Slate
    Even in a town as big as Chicago where you could conceivably see one hundred different people for the first and last time everyday…it can still feel like your reputation precedes you.
    In that respect, it’s hard to be the person you want to be when you feel bound to the weight of the person you think you are.  When you go out with somebody and your lives are mutually alien to each other, it can be very liberating.  You don’t need to wonder if they heard any stories about who you were in high school, if they’d ever met an ex of yours who’d given them bad reviews, you don’t need to wonder if they’ve already slept with a member of your social circles…or family.
    In that, you can really try something new.  Maybe you’re not the dancing type.  Maybe you just don’t do karaoke.  Maybe you would never get drinks at that bar
    When you’re with someone who doesn’t know you, you don’t have to be you for a spell.  You get to be social in a raw, unprocessed state of self.  And you get to be with someone who’s feeling the same.

That being said, there are some items you should be ready for:

Troubleshooting Your Limited Engagement

  1. Be Satisfied
    There’s a chance you could spend every second with your summer love until they get on the plane/megabus/spaceship back home; and it still wouldn’t be enough.  The same is true of relationships with no designated conclusion.  If it feels like you’re not getting to spend enough time with them, good.  That means you’ve found something really special you want to experience as much as possible.
    While it’s good to let that drive you to do things like give them a ride home at four AM, it can be very negative to let those feelings of desire bring you down.  You will have plenty of time to be sad after it’s over.
  2. Avoid Falling
    It’s easy to rush a relationship when you’re strapped for time.  You may end up sleeping together after your first drink date.  You may also find the L word ready to launch from the tip of your tongue dramatically sooner than it has before or ever should.
  3. Manifest the Destiny
    Hopefully, everyone knows the terms of the engagement before they sign up.  You’re mixing a drama cocktail when leaving things out.  Make sure that dates know the duration, the limits, and the aftermath.  While it may feel like killing somebody’s dreams to be realistic, consider it doing them a favor.

When your successful short-term romance comes to an end, there will also be some de-briefing.  Just like the terms of the relationship need to be discussed before it begins, the terms of the non-relationship should also be discussed.  Will there be a future?  If so, under what circumstances?  Are they conceivable?  Realistic?  Worthwhile?

Potential Epilogues

  1. The Vacation Fling
    You could become each others regular vacation partner. I had a partner I met at an anime convention who lived 400 miles away and had a very strong primary relationship.  She called me her ‘vacation boyfriend’.  Once every few months, she would come visit and take in her favorite local food, local music, and the her favorite local sexual deviant.
  2. The Friend Zone
    As long as everyone was honest and open about the terms of the engagement beforehand, a transition back to platonic friendship could happen with little or no turbulence.  If, say, a relationship was only going to last until the spouse returned from service overseas, but a really excellent connection was built during this time; then the friendship could certainly be worth the loss of booty.
  3. The Pilgrimmage
    There could be a realization of desire for a more permanent move that started with the vacation.  While the summer lover could ease the move, I strongly recommend against moving in-with your vacation fling.  Moving in with a vacation fling until the transplant finds their own space (or worse yet, indefinitely) is fertile ground for growing the shit-show tree.  There are already dangers that exist when moving in with a partner who already has an established life in your hometown.  A transplant will not have the friends or family to fall back on if the cohabitation goes poorly.
  4. Going the Distance
    Sometimes, feelings are strong enough that you can stretch them across states or even oceans.  I defer to the Dan Savage opinion on long distance relationships, though.  I also believe there are too many pitfalls for even a successful long distance relationship to last more than a year or two.
  5. The Civil Conclusion
    Not intimate enough to be in the friendzone, not uninterested enough to end things completely.  Still send each others silly-ass pictures of cats on each others’ Facebook sometimes.  Sending a Valentine on February 14th wouldn’t even be totally unwelcome.  The two of you might even hook back up in the future if the appropriate circumstances align.
  6. The Ghost
    Disappear from each others’ lives.  You could never speak again and pretend like nothing happened.  This can also work.

This has just been my recent experience with it.  If anybody else has other views on short-term relationships, please post them in the comments!

What are some other good reasons to start them?  What are some bad ones?  What are some potential problems that we’ve encountered?  Have you ever had a STR (short term relationship)?  What worked about it?  What didn’t?  How did it end?

 

A Beginners Guide to Watching Porno

EDIT: GIVEN THE CURRENT ALLEGATIONS AGAINST JAMES DEEN, I AM RESCINDING MY RECOMMENDATION OF HIM AS A PERFORMER

When I was six years old, my buddy got his hands on some adult cinema from his dad.  I had no idea what it was when he first popped it in the VHS player.  But when the electric guitar and wah wah pedal started rolling and I witnessed my very first act of carnality, I was a changed man awkward bowl-cut little twerp.  This began a very long love affair with the world of adult films.

Pornos taught me there was a difference female anatomy when I was very young.  They made my monogamous, celibate relationship back in high school livable.  Porno put me through college when I worked as an intern for an adult erotica production company.  And Porno has always been there for me when I’ve felt like I had nothing else.

But not everyone has been as fortunate as I have.  Many people haven’t been properly exposed to adult entertainment.  In my experiences, this is especially true of young women in this country.  Guys get introduced and practically encouraged to watch porno by their peers, mentors and public media.  But unfortunately, the sexual suppression of women blankets even their personal sexual growth.

Sometimes, they simply never got the chance to watch it.  Maybe their adolescent friends weren’t raiding their dad’s porno stash…

A lot of the time though, there is a level of shame ascribed to all sexuality for a woman.  Because of this, lots of gals deprive themselves out of a societal pressure from a very young age.  Ergo, there is very little consumption from women in the adult markets.  Concordantly, the majority of pornos are marketed towards the Y chromosome.

I’m a huge proponent of equality, though.  And there is zero reason for a woman to not be allowed the same appetite for explicit media that a man has.  The time has come to reclaim your place in the world of perverts, ladies!

Nobody expects you to just dive in to the nearest porn tube and start playing with the little man in the boat, though.  Like a good video game, sometimes it’s best to start with the tutorial.  I polled the sex-positive ladies in my life, and groomed my personal collection (2TB worth) for the best avenues to start watching.  Without further ado:

Great Introductions to Porn

  1. James Deen
    The Joseph Gordon Levitt of porn.  He doesn’t look like your average porn star, ripped with muscles and tribal tattoos.  He looks like the nice guy you would have wanted to lose your virginity to.  In addition to being a real cutie, he’s also got a great spirit.  He’s a writer and his blog has some wonderful posts.  He’s a producer of independent sci-fi films.  And he is a political activist and redditor.  He’s also got a wonderful relationship with his partner, Stoya.  Stoya did a brilliant interview for the Huffington Post where she shows that she’s an unconventionally cerebral adult entertainer, just like her man.
  2. Nina Hartley
    The Marge Simpson of porno.  This gal has been making movies for the past 30 years.  At this point, she’s making porno incidentally in her efforts to spread her sex-positive agenda.  She primarily makes guides to offer her insights on modern sexual practice.  She wrote a book concerning this exploits and has a whole library of videos dedicated to educating adults on everything from bondage(NSFW) to sex during pregnancy(NSFW).  I even met her one time at an adult novelty shop where she was giving a class on sexuality.  The lecture was wonderful and she even agreed to pose for a picture with me!
  3. Sasha Grey
    Much like Nina Hartley and James Deen, Sasha Grey has also expanded her career into non-adult films.  She’s starred in a few arthouse flicks, as well as some bigger dramas and campy horror.  She even appeared in a great comedy webshort series directed by James Gunn (The guy directing Guardians of the Galaxy).  She still makes porno when she’s not acting in mainstream films, or reading to children, or advocating for things like women’s rights.  Ultimately though, she has an unmitigated interest in her adult work.  And one of the best quotes defending her right to do it.
  4. Burning Angel Productions
    Similar to other alt-porn venues like Suicide Girls.  The big difference is that Burning Angel films hardcore scenes.  It is very unusual for a hardcore company to be run by a woman, too.  But Burning Angel gets its name from the stunning Joanna Angel, who is also the creator of the whole franchise.  Joanna Angel has an expansive network with a number of stunning actresses.  Among them, all of the previously mentioned actors have worked for her.  In addition, some first-timer favorites include Jizz Lee (if you like them butch), Larkin Love (if you like them curvy), Tommy Pistol (If you like guys with ATHF tattoos), or his wife Gia Paloma (if you want a girl who can take some real punishment)
  5. Kink.Com
    If you’ve ever wanted to explore BDSM erotica, Kink.Com has some wonderful resources.  Firstly, all of the previously mentioned performers have done scenes there.  Another major selling point is that in every show, there are three parts of the movie.  The first is a pre-session scene where they talk with the models and establish things like consent, limits, and safewords.  Then there’s the scene which may or may not have any sex in it.  Scenes at Kink.Com are sometimes entirely bondage.  The last part of their movies is a post-scene debriefing where they talk with the actor(s) about the what happened and how they felt about it.  For a really excellent, healthy introduction to BDSM, I recommend you check it out.  Specifically,I recommend The Training of O series (NSFW).
  6. Gianna Michaels
    Outside of her totally hot, curvy, natural body.  This lady exudes a brilliant feminine power.  She barks orders at guys who are fucking her, has made male actors accidentally climax (NSFW here and here), and she spit a load of cum(NSFW)  at a dude who was heckling her during a public scene.  In my experience, Gianna has been received better than any other female actress.

A lot of women I talk to tell me that they only watch girl-on-girl scenes.  All of the above actresses have performed in girl/girl scenes.  Those are just my recommendations for first-timers.

Women are in a unique position in the adult market.  Because media isn’t so strongly marketed towards them, all the genres are on essentially equal footing.  A lady can peruse all of the categories and really have a chance to develop their own unique taste in pornography.  As a guy, conventional porno is ingrained in me.  I’ve been pigeonholed into liking a specific kind of girl and a specific genre.  A woman’s introduction to pornography can be a real journey of self discovery.

Young ladies aren’t groomed to enjoy POV milf creampies that way that guys are.  Therefore, I encourage women to really explore their interests.  Spread your search to include all manner of peculiar bits of adult cinema.  Maybe you’ll like watching guy/guy stuff as much as the average guy likes watching girl/girl scenes.  Maybe animated erotica appeals more to you and you want to watch some hentai or read some dojinshi.  Maybe you have a thing for PAWGs.

If you want to explore the world of adult entertainment and find out what works for you, I recommend the following websites (ALL NSFW, Obv.):

  1. 4chan’s /gif/-
    4chan is the ultimate anonymous message board website.  One board is dedicated exclusively to sharing gifs images.  Like any internet forum, it is sometimes used to share things like animations of cats doing stupid shit.  Primarily though, it’s a fine sampler of 3-10 second clips of adult media.  It’s like the Taste of Chicago of pornography.  Going there right now, I see threads on the subject of fuck machines, pregnant hardcore, and double-penetration.  And that’s just on the first page (of 10!)  It’s constantly changing via user submissions.  So the sampler changes every day.
  2. NSFW Reddits-
    Similar to 4chan in that it is all smaller media submitted by anonymous users.  The neat part is that you can subscribe to communities dedicated to different genres like MassiveCocks, AbusePorn, or ChickFlixx (a place for pro-porn ladies to share/discuss adult cinema that appeals to them).
  3. XnXX
    They have an expansive selection of media where you can search by tags (such as BDSM or Pterodactyl) or by actor/actress (such as Siri or Sarina Valentina).  Much like youtube, they also provide recommended viewing with each video you watch!  This also has my favorite mobile site of any adult tube.  So if you need to sneak into the bathroom at work to give yourself a treat (I call it the crap-n-fap), it’s compatible with Android and iPhone.
  4. NudeVista
    Similar to XnXX.  It doesn’t have nearly the mobile capability, but the stock of available videos is mind-boggling.  NudeVista searches through a number existing adult tubes for what you want and directs you to them.  It’s like Expedia.com, but for masturbation instead of travel.
  5. Empornium
    The idea of non-streaming adult media is becoming archaic, but if you ever want to have a copy of something, download it here.  This is the finest torrent tracker since they shut down Demonoid.  They grill membership real hard to have a good seed:leech ratio, so I recommend downloading only freeleech torrents at first.  Once you have a good ratio, feel free to explore by searching via tags.  Remember, in the tag search, you can’t have spaces.  So separate words with periods:
    E.G. if you want to search for Lisa Ann, search for the tag “lisa.ann”.  Or if you want to search for champagne enemas, search for the term “champagne.enema”.  Then you can combine them with spaces between to see if there are any results for “fishnet.stockings doctor.who prolapse.licking”

Remember, the adult market is struggling with the advent of filesharing.  And adult entertainers cannot supplement their media revenue with a performance tour the way that a musician can 😦 .  So make sure you show your support of certain artists/production companies by offering them your patronage.

If you have any other recommendations for good starting points for appreciations of adult media, feel free to post them in the comments!

Role Call

Usually when I roleplay, I play an elf wizard.  Sometimes though, I pretend to be a rapist.  Bedroom roleplays may not involve any dice, but they are certainly a good deal of fun.  A lot of people claim they wouldn’t know how to begin a bedroom roleplay, but most of us have been training since we were kids!

Playing pretend was always one of my favorite activities.  Growing up, my friends and I would pretend we were the Power Rangers, the X-Men, the Animaniacs.  Sometimes, we would even play ‘house’ and pretend to be adults.  I remember the play being so enlivening; trying to be someone else.  Pre-empting all of your talk and actions to fit into this version of you that wasn’t you.  Watching your friends do it was great too.  I loved seeing them struggle to fit into a different character than their usual personality, or revel in a part of themselves they didn’t usually get to inhabit.

Tragically, playing pretend gets phased out along with other great activities we practiced in our youth; like Red-Rover and optimism for the future.  Most people never try a sexy roleplay, but playing pretend in your adult bedroom is important for a number of reasons.

In becoming someone else in the sack, you get the chance to evaluate your usual bedroom persona.  You get see the areas you don’t really explore, as well as the areas where you excel.  Similarly, your partner will get the chance to experience these in you and see themselves from the outside too.  Pretending can be especially beneficial for monogamous couples.  After all, if you’re only going to be sleeping with one person for the rest of your life, then it can be very good to explore the different dimensions of their sexual personality.

Before I dive into the gritty details of some standard bedroom roleplays, there are two basic principles I want to drive home about roleplaying in the bedroom:

  1. Safewords-
    Your roleplay might go somewhere real dark.  Make sure your partner and you have an established safeword so that you both know when it’s time to break character
  2. Fantasies and Desires-
    A roleplay is a chance to explore something sexually that cannot happen in real life.  A lot of the time though, it’s a chance to explore the sexual aspect of a scenario that should not happen in real life.  Make sure you keep yourself in check by acknowledging what’s happening as a fantasy, not a desire.  If it’s a fantasy, it’s a harmless and all you need to do is find another consenting adult to help you explore it.  If it’s a desire, that means you want to make this scenario happen in real life, and you should strongly consider speaking to a psychological professional about your feelings.

Having said that, here are some potential roleplays to try with your partner(s).  I’ve separated them into different ratings, based on how unconventional they are.  I recommend everyone start at the tamer end of things and work your way up to other roleplays that interest you:

PG-13 Roleplays

These are a really great way to explore the wilder side of vanilla-ish sex.  These are the fuzzy handcuffs of bedroom roleplays.

  1. The Strangers-
    Your partner(s) and yourself go to a bar and pretend to be people who don’t know each other.  Drinks get purchased, cheesy pickup lines get dropped, by last call you’ve decided to go home with each other (or to a hotel if you want the roleplay to be more immersive).  This is a brilliant first-time roleplay for couples to do.  It is a good way to step outside of yourselves while still recognizing the special parts about each other that you fell for in the first place.
  2. The Service-
    One of you pretends to be the french maid, plumber, massues, repairman, nurse, doctor, hair-stylist, shoeshine boy, and/or beekeeper.  One of you needs a service performed.  The other provides the service and then a few more services.  This is a great opportunity to play with costumes and power dynamics.
  3. The Love Machine-
    Sci-Fi nerds will dig this one.  One of you is a robot built to please the other.  The robot is programmed to do exactly as it’s told.  It is also fully functional and anatomically correct.
  4. The Rule 34-
    Based on the eponymous internet rule of the same name, this is where one/both/all of you dress up as a fictional character.  You can be Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, you can double team Catwoman as Batman and Robin, you can have a Digidestined orgy!  Don’t feel bound up in one franchise, though.  Consider crossing medias like Silk Spectre/Deadpool, Vampirella/Deadpool, or Superman/Deadpool.  Those of you in the Cosplay community should definitely try this one.  I’d hate to think of your Daenerys and Khal Drogo costumes collecting dust in between cons.
  5. The Fantasy-
    Similar to the Rule 34, but this one is your own story.  Those of you with degrees in english and/or writing, I’m looking at you.  Maybe you’ve always wanted to be taken in the night by a vampire (whichever kind you like).  Ever been to a Renaissance Fare and want to go medieval on someone’s ass?  Or maybe you have a character in an existing tabletop roleplaying game that you would want to inhabit sensually for an exotic LARP.  It puts a whole new spin on the phrase “dungeon master”.
  6. Pet Play-
    Have you always been intrigued by animality in the bedroom, but totally turned off by the furry community?  If so, then petplay might be for you.  One of you is the master, the other(s) are the pet.  Be it cat, dog, horse, bunny, pig, hermit crab, etc; the important thing is that you belong to the master.  Go to the local Petsmart and invest in some supplies, then treat your partner(s) like the critter of their choosing.  They even make butt plugs with the tail of your choice(NSFW)!  Use the collar, leash, food dish, neck cone, and/or squeaky toy like they were your pet.  And then have sex with them like they were your pet!  consenting, adult, humans.
  7. School Play-
    I’ve had plenty of partners in the past tell me that they used to have a crush on their teacher when they were teenagers and wanted to roleplay out that old fantasy.  After I became a teacher, every partner I had wanted that roleplay.  The classroom converts to a place of torture pretty easily.  Rulers make for fine spanking implements, plaid skirts can be left on mid-coitus and used as leverage if someone is bent over.  Also, standing next to someone sitting at a desk puts them at optimal height for performing fellatio.  The magnum opus of my schoolplay career was a detention roleplay that ended with the ‘student’ being bent over the desk and fucked wide open while writing “I will not dress like a slut in class” a hundred times.  She never finished.  I sure did, though.
  8. Gender Play-
    Maybe one (or both/all) of you wants to see what it’s like from the other sex’s side of sex.  This doesn’t mean you should audition for Rupaul’s Drag Race or anything.  Guys might have a fantasy about having their skirts lifted up, their panties moved over to the side and being taken from behind.  Girls may have always wanted to put on a suit and feed their strap-on/feeldo out the zipper to fuck someone like a man would.  Try a prom night roleplay where one/both of you take on the opposite genders!

R Rated Roleplays

These are a little more intense, much of them relying on consensual non-consent.  So make sure you’ve got a safeword!

  1. Rape Play-
    This is, by far, the most common roleplay that gets requested from me.  It’s a very common fantasy (Read: Fantasy!  Not desire!) for plenty of women.  I’ve also fantasized about being on the receiving end of someone who is just going to take me, regardless of what I say.  There’s something very exciting about the idea of being taken.  The person who is doing the taking is also taken.  They are taken with a need to do things to your body, to use you up.  That kind of animalistic desire can be very sexy.  Maybe ‘the assailant’ was waiting for you to get home before they assaulted you, maybe two of them lured you over for a movie just to hold you down and take turns with you, or maybe you’re being held up at (hopefully a fake) gun point.  In a rape scenario, “no” will not always mean no.  So make sure you’ve got a safeword ready!
  2. Blackmail-
    It’s not forced sex.  Though, it’s certainly not willing.  In that, it has the same power exchange as a rape play.  But there’s less physical control involved.  You’re still taking, but it’s only because you ‘have’ something they ‘want’.  This could be some incriminating evidence that you lord over them for sexual service or a favor they need from you that you demand physical repayment.  Write your own story and be creative!
  3. Military Play-
    Uniforms are very sexy.  In both guys and girls.  But even more than that, military play is grounded heavily in power exchange.  You could have a USO performer come to take care of our boys overseas, a strict female lieutenant who intends to break a young upstart cadet, or a spy who’s captured by an intelligence officer that gets tortured and interrogated.
  4. The Adult Service-
    Just like the PG-13 Service, except you’re not the janitor.  One of you is a stripper, hooker, or gigolo.  The neat thing about this roleplay is the use of money.  You can use monopoly money if you really want, but there is something very exciting about hard green cash.  Make the service crawl after a trail of bills to your lap, make it rain while they are bent over in front of you.  If you’re the service in this case, you can have a ‘price’ per act.  Then try and upsell your client on higher fares.

 

NC-17 Roleplays

These are some exceeeeeeedingly taboo roleplays.  Make sure that you are 100% comfortable with yourself and your partner before you dive in to try any of these.  You are definitely going to need to recognize the difference between fantasies and desires prior to approaching any of these subjects.  These are so far from Vanilla, they’re practically sorbet.  Because these acts are so impossibly taboo though, it can be a real sign of trust if somebody wants to explore them with you.

  1. Ageplay-
    Pretending to be an age that you aren’t, but not for stuff like beer or cheap movie tickets.  There are two main ageplayer circles in the kink community.  There is the ABDL (Adult Baby Diaper Lovers) and the DDLG (Daddy Dominant Little Girls).  These are where the majority of ageplayers are if you were interested in connecting with that community.  The ABDL community relies heavily on the use of adult-sized baby costumes, and involves bottle feeding and diaper changing.  I have had zero experience with this community, so I strongly encourage you to search fetlife for a local branch that can give you a more comprehensive understanding.  I’ve had some experience in the DDLG field, though.  Now, some people just like calling their partner “daddy” in the bedroom.  Some of my partners wanted the full father/daughter roleplay – 24/7.  They wanted me to take them out for a happy meal, watch cartoons with them, then read them a story before bed.  But not all ageplay is incest play.  I had a partner pretend to be an 8-year-old trick-or-treater who came knocking on my door dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.  My character explained that I was out of candy, and she should come upstairs where I have some more.  10 minutes later, there was some very raucous anal sex happening where I was ‘forcing’ her to scream “we’re not in Kansas any more!”
  2. Incest Play- 
    Not all ageplay is incest and not all incest is ageplay.  While the daddy/daughter is certainly the most common, I’ve had multiple partners explain a fantasy they’ve had about being taken by an older brother.  It could be that you’re living with your older brother until you find a job, and he just got broken up with by a gal, so you decide to relieve some stress on that front.  It could be that your cousin is staying in town and there is a forbidden lust that arises.  Rachel Steele(NSFW) is the premiere adult entertainer concerning films whose storylines centralized on incest.  There is also a popular internet trend called Wincest(NSFW) which is just captioned photos that you could potentially use to inspire a roleplay.  Those of you in interracial relationships may need to stretch your imaginations unless you want a scenario involving your step-family(NSFW) which leads us directly into:
  3. Raceplay-
    Thin ice, this one.  It may even be more taboo than ageplay and incest play.  It’s at least a lot harder to find porn of it (NSFW)
    Raceplay is the sexual roleplay relying heavily on race and racism.  I’ve heard of Black slave and White master, Vietnam soldier and villager, even SS Soldier and Auschwitz prisoner.  Be ready to push some social limits if you’re exploring this one.  Do some research if you are interested in some race-appropriate put-downs.

Those are just the roleplays I’ve explored, though.  If I missed any, I hope you post them in the comments for everyone to see!  If you want to explore a roleplay, but aren’t necessarily comfortable doing it with a partner, there are avenues for that too.  I recommend hopping onto a website with some anonymous chat features like Omegle.com or finding a group dedicated to online roleplaying like the one on fetlife.

Also, because I was a Dungeon Master since third edition, I’ve arranged each of these categories so that you can roll dice to determine which roleplay you would like to do with your partner.  Hopefully, you have some polyhedral dice handy, because the PG-13 list can be determined with a d8, the R Rated list is rolled with a d4, and the NC-17 list is rolled with a d3.

I also recommend you mix and match all these categories.  You could have a military father who turns into a werewolf rapist every full moon!

Some of the best roleplays are a combination of the categories.  Therefore, I have also written this chart where you can roll a 20-sided-die (a “d20”, as the cool kids call it) to determine which roleplay(s) you could be doing!

d20roll

 

Peter, Paul, & Mary

This blog is about polyamory and sexcapades, but it’s not like the twain shall never meet.  Multiple partner sexual encounters: threesomes, foursomes and moresomes happen all the time.  I want to talk about threesomes for a spell.

Specifically, the kind with two guys.

The MMF, the Devil’s Threeway, Riding the Man-Train, fingercuffing, spitroasting; this activity has many names.  Society usually gives many different metonyms to subjects that make people uncomfortable.  But this form of lovemaking is becoming much more common.

The MMF threeway has come a long way in 5 years alone.  What started (2006) as a really dirty song by possibly the most flagrantly sexual music artist alive today, eventually became a baby-making club jam (2009) by the princess of pop.  The most popular incarnation yet (2011) was done by the princess’ ex on primetime television.

The public presence of the MMF is just the tip of the fuckberg.  In my experience, the majority of women have a fantasy involving more than one man, even if many of them want to keep this as a fantasy without actualizing it.  The number of friends that have actualized this fantasy is definitely not the majority, but it is certainly much higher than you might expect.

Now that it’s becoming more popular, I see no reason for it to be a hushed faux pas.  If you are a couple interested in developing your MMF threesome skills, this post is for you!  We’re still transitioning to making the MMF as realistic as the FFM, mind you.  The transition period is going to be a bit of a trial, so be sure to exercise caution, specifically:

  • Ask what the lady wants.  Does she want to get treated by two gentlemen?  Does she want to get used up by two horny guys?  Does she want to play a supporting role in some yaoi fantasy that she muses?  Does she want them to take turns?  Does she want them to make an Eiffel Tower?  What revs her vagine is going to be a driving factor in this whole party.
  • Find out where the guys fall on the Kinsey Scale.  Sure, it would be great if everybody was on everybody.  It’s hard enough to find two guys who want to have sex with the same gal at the same time.  But to also find two that want to bang each other during that?  Tough.  Getting double-teamed by two straight guys can be a lot of fun for everyone, even if they guys don’t make eye contact.  Regardless, find out how comfortable they are with each other first!
  • Talk to your partners about who’s going where.  Who goes first?  Who finishes last?  Where do they finish?  If it’s a couple bringing in another guy, what holes is he allowed to use?  If you are going for a double-stuffing, who’s taking the ass?  Establish these things now, it’s not good to improvise too much when surrounded by dicks.

Now here are some benefits and pitfalls of the MMF threeway:

Benefits

  1. Double your pleasure
    The female body is full of erogenous zones, more than any one partner can occupy at any given time.  Double the men, double the stimulation.  Having twice the fingertips on skin, twice the lips on collar and chest, and twice the cock can be a very decadently pleasurable experience.  After all, a lady has all those holes.  Guys hate to see them go to waste.
  2. Personal Wingmanning
    There are plenty of guys, whether they admit it or not, who really do care for their other male friends.  There can be more than just a sense of comradery or bromance.  A lot of the time, men feel an intimate connection for the other men in their life.  While they may not want to suck dick, drink mojitos, and march in the pride parade; they might certainly want to share a lover with the men to whom they feel close.
  3. Utilize those skills
    It’s always been said, and been recently proven, that women are better at multitasking than men.  You can handle two dudes better than your guy handles two ladies.  I know a lot of girls might be scared by the idea of having to please two men at once.  But if guys can handle an FFM,  It just makes sense that a lady would be able to take better care of two guys.  Because science, that’s why.

Pitfalls

  1. Going soft.
    This has happened every time I have ever had a sexual encounter with a girl and another guy.  Most times, it’s the guy’s first time getting it up with another dude there.  Sometimes, it’s an old pro who’s off his game.  Sometimes, i’m the one going soft.   And when it slips away, a lot of guys think it’ll never come back, though many times it does.  Us guys have all been cultured for a very long time to think that you should never ever have a boner around another man, it’s hard to break that training.   Here are some things that worked for me:
    If you are the soft one:
    Don’t drink.  Preventative measure, whiskey dick happens to the best of us.  It happens a lot more when you need to perform.
    Step off the girl for a spell.  Watch the two of them and touch yourself.  They’ll can get excited from being watched, you can find a hot voyeuristic thrill, and it’s a lot more comfortable when you know they’re with each other, not watching you work through your issue.
    -Tell them what you want.  If you’ve got a certain way that always gets you hard, let them know that you’re going to need her to tickle your balls while she sucks your dick or whatever always works for you.
    If the other guy can’t get it up:
    Give him some time alone with her.  Tell them you’re going to go take a shower or have a smoke.  When you get back, the boner ball should be rolling and you can just throw yourself in the mix.
    -Put on some porno.  Something very vanilla and sexy.  Chances are, he’s used to getting a boner when that’s on.
    -Tell him you want to watch.  Even if you’d rather play.  The idea that you would rather watch him fuck a girl than fuck the girl will make him feel like god’s gift to manhood.
  2. Surprise Homosexuality.
    There have been a number of times during an MMF encounter where the other man, independently of any knowledge of my sexuality, just started performing fellatio.  I wasn’t going to complain, but I can understand other men being put off by this kind of unprompted behavior.
  3. Stewing competition
    Ladies, please keep this in mind if the guys aren’t into each other: We compare in the locker rooms; of course, we compare in a threeway.  Not just size, either.  We compare fitness, grooming, technique.  If you are the vertex in this ensemble, try and diffuse any competition.  Make them feel like they are really working together.  Put the team in double-teaming.  Don’t ever make them feel like they are competing for your affections.

There is a lot more to be said for the MMF engagement: positions, aftercare, safety, etc…

Until I write a part two, I hope this covers enough for those of you curious to finally try!

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